Wait baby wait

I love that Huffamoose song btw.

Life is not going as planned. In fact, life is going absolutely badly. So badly that, despite the fact that I have spent too many years looking over my shoulder hoping God didn't hate me for my willful ways, I was starting to feel He really did hate me. Stupid of course - his love is immeasurable as hard as that is to comprehend. Anyway, life sucked big time.

No income, late on the mortgages for the first time as an adult, creditors calling every 30 minutes and then sick as dog on top of it. Very sick. The kind where you can't get out of bed (and shouldn't) for a week or so.

As you lay there, world crashing down around you financially, and you know you HAVE to get up and try to find some income or work or anything to put out the fires, you finally have to give up. You aren't going anywhere. Period. Not going to happen.

So you do give up. Your body and mind shut down and you finally sleep and begin to heal. That is what happened to me. And during that time I very distinctly was feeling a sense of "wait....wait.....wait"

So, I finally come around this week on tuesday which is my birthday. I'm not a big birthday guy for my own anyway, so it was fine that it was just the day I finally was able to almost function like a human (no booze and no solid food - what a birthday!). I looked around like a guy who woke up on a battlefield, not knowing how he got there and who seemed to be the last one alive. Financial and emotional fires and craters everywhere.

I was tempted to be smarmy and sarcastic with God and say "hey thanks for keeping me under your boot heel while my world collapsed and I couldn't save it". EXACTLY. I could not save it. And had I tried I very likely would have missed out on an incredible turn of events.

You see, the other day as I sat there finally almost healthy, but completely dazed by my circumstances, I got a call that someone was going to invest in a start up I have been working on for months. Not millions, not hundreds of thousands. But enough for me to get focused and caught up and begin to run the race again.

from where I am sitting, I have to believe I would have blown this and missed it in my fear and haste to "Make something happen". I for one am glad I didn't.

And I lost 15 pounds so hey, its a win win.