We use this phrase as a rhetorical jab of self protection when someone thinks we should be indignant or bothered or concerned about some news they just decided to drop on us. Why do people do that? Why do I that?
Why am I so inclined to say things to people to see how they will react? what is it in me? Anyway, coming back to "who cares?"
Really, "who does care?" and what do they care about? What do you care about? Can I truly identify my own real matrix of important underlying guidelines which determine what I do and do not care about? It is not easy to examine your own heart. and this is a heart issue.
Not a in intellectual caring, but an emotional connection. Is it selfish to be so absorbed in our own survival that we really don't care about much around us? Is it just human nature? Are we better people the more we allow ourselves to care? is it good for our overall well being and health to care?
Parents know full well what it means to care about your children. This brings a real two edged sword. when you care enough you can get really hurt by life and choices. ouch. not sure I want that side of the coin. But that side is unavoidable if you really do care.
You invest your heart with no promise you won't be hurt there. There isn't a lot you can do about it. you could stop caring, but frankly there seems to be quite a lot of that around at the moment. Doesn't seem to be making it any more pleasant to make our way through this life.
Its easy to disconnect here in the western world. so comfortable, so tailor made fine tuned personal existences, packaged up and easily affordable. If you care to.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
When the going gets tough
Supposedly the tough get going when the going gets tough.
I am coming to think this is easily more true when you are under 40 years of age. It gets harder and harder the more hits you take after 40 to muster up the energy, guts and guile to just push through the hard times in life. Its a bit like a lot of video games where your character takes more and more punishment in whatever form and loses "life force" or points or whatever until he or she can no longer continue the game and is snuffed out.
In the real world it plays out similarly. Fortunately in games you just start over or get another life.. ..... Hmmm another life? Maybe that is what I need. Another life. A life different from the stressful, filled with poor habits, grinding life I have been trying to lead to purchase the old American dream.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want the new American Dream - a.k.a. Infamy at any cost to personal integrity. I've ranted about that enough in prior posts (check out Dreamsicles on youtube for a filmed version of this perversion). Nor, do I want a different life by walking out on my beloved spouse and children or my friends and starting over as some are known to do in a "mid-life crisis".
No, I need THE life I was meant to live. Caring for my body with the best foods and exersize. Not abusing alcohol to just get by the blues. Doing something meaningful for the family, community and world. THAT is the other life I need. I need it pretty desperately right now.
I believe we seek to numb ourselves and just fight through the tough times, while God would choose to wake us up to our true deepest desires and even dissappointments. We have to be in touch with our heart to find the life we were meant to live.
So now that the going has gotten as tough as I have ever had it. I to want to get going. going to the life I need. Another life. A new life.
I am coming to think this is easily more true when you are under 40 years of age. It gets harder and harder the more hits you take after 40 to muster up the energy, guts and guile to just push through the hard times in life. Its a bit like a lot of video games where your character takes more and more punishment in whatever form and loses "life force" or points or whatever until he or she can no longer continue the game and is snuffed out.
In the real world it plays out similarly. Fortunately in games you just start over or get another life.. ..... Hmmm another life? Maybe that is what I need. Another life. A life different from the stressful, filled with poor habits, grinding life I have been trying to lead to purchase the old American dream.
Don't get me wrong, I don't want the new American Dream - a.k.a. Infamy at any cost to personal integrity. I've ranted about that enough in prior posts (check out Dreamsicles on youtube for a filmed version of this perversion). Nor, do I want a different life by walking out on my beloved spouse and children or my friends and starting over as some are known to do in a "mid-life crisis".
No, I need THE life I was meant to live. Caring for my body with the best foods and exersize. Not abusing alcohol to just get by the blues. Doing something meaningful for the family, community and world. THAT is the other life I need. I need it pretty desperately right now.
I believe we seek to numb ourselves and just fight through the tough times, while God would choose to wake us up to our true deepest desires and even dissappointments. We have to be in touch with our heart to find the life we were meant to live.
So now that the going has gotten as tough as I have ever had it. I to want to get going. going to the life I need. Another life. A new life.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
SunTRUST bank? Scumtrust is a better name
For all of us who have had our "friendly" local bank take liberties with excessive fees by posting the biggest charges first on a daily basis to ensure that they can charge fees on the most items should you happen to go over on a day, I have an even more egregious action to share.
So I lay in the hospital recovering from a stress induced significant infection due to the extreme challenges my film company has faced (much due to the formerly "all to willing to take your deposits" bank shutting down our credit facilities). I go to look at my PERSONAL bank account held at the same branch, and I notice over $2100 has been taken out of the account for what was noted as a Commercial Loan Payment. Huh? I didnt' authorize anything of this sort.
I called my one ally at the branch who is shocked to find out that the commercial bank department simply decided to take my money for a COMPANY loan payment which was not even 30 days late. Apparently because I was a member of said company. I was not given notice that this was even possible, let alone a courtesy notice that this was going to occur if it was legal. To make matters worse, this money was earmarked for some utility payments to keep the lights on at the house for my family while I lay in the hospital!!
Further, my soon to be former business partner (long story) in this venture was also a signer on this loan and was not debited a red cent. Hmmmmm.
I have screamed bloody murder at the bank who's business bankers will not even return my calls. This is after the film company had put well over $3 million dollars through that bank in 4 years. I am shocked and livid that this can happen with no notification and no recourse.
Small business folk beware. Banks lure you in with all kinds of promises, then they proceed to steal from you and apparently can get away with it.
Scumtrust bank - beware.
So I lay in the hospital recovering from a stress induced significant infection due to the extreme challenges my film company has faced (much due to the formerly "all to willing to take your deposits" bank shutting down our credit facilities). I go to look at my PERSONAL bank account held at the same branch, and I notice over $2100 has been taken out of the account for what was noted as a Commercial Loan Payment. Huh? I didnt' authorize anything of this sort.
I called my one ally at the branch who is shocked to find out that the commercial bank department simply decided to take my money for a COMPANY loan payment which was not even 30 days late. Apparently because I was a member of said company. I was not given notice that this was even possible, let alone a courtesy notice that this was going to occur if it was legal. To make matters worse, this money was earmarked for some utility payments to keep the lights on at the house for my family while I lay in the hospital!!
Further, my soon to be former business partner (long story) in this venture was also a signer on this loan and was not debited a red cent. Hmmmmm.
I have screamed bloody murder at the bank who's business bankers will not even return my calls. This is after the film company had put well over $3 million dollars through that bank in 4 years. I am shocked and livid that this can happen with no notification and no recourse.
Small business folk beware. Banks lure you in with all kinds of promises, then they proceed to steal from you and apparently can get away with it.
Scumtrust bank - beware.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Wait baby wait
I love that Huffamoose song btw.
Life is not going as planned. In fact, life is going absolutely badly. So badly that, despite the fact that I have spent too many years looking over my shoulder hoping God didn't hate me for my willful ways, I was starting to feel He really did hate me. Stupid of course - his love is immeasurable as hard as that is to comprehend. Anyway, life sucked big time.
No income, late on the mortgages for the first time as an adult, creditors calling every 30 minutes and then sick as dog on top of it. Very sick. The kind where you can't get out of bed (and shouldn't) for a week or so.
As you lay there, world crashing down around you financially, and you know you HAVE to get up and try to find some income or work or anything to put out the fires, you finally have to give up. You aren't going anywhere. Period. Not going to happen.
So you do give up. Your body and mind shut down and you finally sleep and begin to heal. That is what happened to me. And during that time I very distinctly was feeling a sense of "wait....wait.....wait"
So, I finally come around this week on tuesday which is my birthday. I'm not a big birthday guy for my own anyway, so it was fine that it was just the day I finally was able to almost function like a human (no booze and no solid food - what a birthday!). I looked around like a guy who woke up on a battlefield, not knowing how he got there and who seemed to be the last one alive. Financial and emotional fires and craters everywhere.
I was tempted to be smarmy and sarcastic with God and say "hey thanks for keeping me under your boot heel while my world collapsed and I couldn't save it". EXACTLY. I could not save it. And had I tried I very likely would have missed out on an incredible turn of events.
You see, the other day as I sat there finally almost healthy, but completely dazed by my circumstances, I got a call that someone was going to invest in a start up I have been working on for months. Not millions, not hundreds of thousands. But enough for me to get focused and caught up and begin to run the race again.
from where I am sitting, I have to believe I would have blown this and missed it in my fear and haste to "Make something happen". I for one am glad I didn't.
And I lost 15 pounds so hey, its a win win.
Life is not going as planned. In fact, life is going absolutely badly. So badly that, despite the fact that I have spent too many years looking over my shoulder hoping God didn't hate me for my willful ways, I was starting to feel He really did hate me. Stupid of course - his love is immeasurable as hard as that is to comprehend. Anyway, life sucked big time.
No income, late on the mortgages for the first time as an adult, creditors calling every 30 minutes and then sick as dog on top of it. Very sick. The kind where you can't get out of bed (and shouldn't) for a week or so.
As you lay there, world crashing down around you financially, and you know you HAVE to get up and try to find some income or work or anything to put out the fires, you finally have to give up. You aren't going anywhere. Period. Not going to happen.
So you do give up. Your body and mind shut down and you finally sleep and begin to heal. That is what happened to me. And during that time I very distinctly was feeling a sense of "wait....wait.....wait"
So, I finally come around this week on tuesday which is my birthday. I'm not a big birthday guy for my own anyway, so it was fine that it was just the day I finally was able to almost function like a human (no booze and no solid food - what a birthday!). I looked around like a guy who woke up on a battlefield, not knowing how he got there and who seemed to be the last one alive. Financial and emotional fires and craters everywhere.
I was tempted to be smarmy and sarcastic with God and say "hey thanks for keeping me under your boot heel while my world collapsed and I couldn't save it". EXACTLY. I could not save it. And had I tried I very likely would have missed out on an incredible turn of events.
You see, the other day as I sat there finally almost healthy, but completely dazed by my circumstances, I got a call that someone was going to invest in a start up I have been working on for months. Not millions, not hundreds of thousands. But enough for me to get focused and caught up and begin to run the race again.
from where I am sitting, I have to believe I would have blown this and missed it in my fear and haste to "Make something happen". I for one am glad I didn't.
And I lost 15 pounds so hey, its a win win.
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